The 7th Wonder of the World…

…is the reef. It’s great. And it’s a barrier. A barrier to the Continental Shelf. That motherfucker can be scary and it’s important that the reef keeps Aussie protected. Kind of like a condom. So the Great Barrier Reef is like one huge condom for Australia.

It was the most magnificent condom I have ever seen.

It’s stingray season! We had to be protected from the frisky fuckers, so I wore a lycra suit, a la Charlie’s Angels. Unfortunately, I didn’t look as good as they did. But I definitely would have if I had a hair and make-up artist on the boat. Back to the reef. We dove in and saw the most vibrant colors and appealing textures I have ever seen. Have you ever been to Kelly’s and seen the aquariums in the center of the restaurant? Picture that, and then multiply the size, beauty and amazingness by a million and a half. I swam near a big, phat turtle and bright fishies and I FOUND NEMO. We went to three different diving sites. The crew briefed us on each one before we hopped in. They warned us that we may see sharks, but if we stayed calm, they shouldn’t bother us. They reassured us that these sharks were vegetarians. I threw my flippy floppies on and jumped in.

I was anxious, wondering if I’d come across a shark, and if I did, what my natural reaction would be. People see sharks and they die in a pool of blood and bones minutes later. How could I not freak out? Be cool Eff, be cool. Seconds later, I felt a grab on my arm. Don’t worry guys. I still have two arms. It was Genna and she was pointing to a shark. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit. I calmed my mojo and the shark swam by. Exhale. 

In between dive spots, the crew taught us about what we were seeing and they served lunch. The sexual tension amongst these bronzed, ripped, sea gods was undeniable. Gen and I wondered who was bumpin’ who, but as the day went on, it became clear that sharing is caring. Just some in home entertainment for our viewing pleasure.

I get sea sick and I’m a little afraid of being in the ocean. It’s a whole other world and a lot of its inhabitants are deadly. I didn’t puke or get killed. Great day.

It had been cloudy with spots of sun all day. We were warned that there is a hole in the O zone layer over this area, so we lathered up the SPF several times throughout the day. Womp womp womp. Our skin is now red and stinging. All good! Recovery is just a rainy day away. It’s monsooning here today, so we gotta skip the beach (so unfortunate) and we are on a mission to find koalas to hold. Genna’s dream. Tourist alert still on high.